Last we heard the team of Pretty Boys FC had their pre-season tour in the US. Not to be outdone, Pub Team FC packed their bags and well-worn tees and jeans to the US as well. They will tour the US for the following reasons:
- They won the league and had something to prove.
- They needed to market to their growing fan base in America.
- Those pretty boys didn’t need all the attention and floral-scented grooming products, including spray-on facial refreshers.
- Someone’s gotta buy all the new merch from Nike.
- They heard that the Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, burgers, ribs, deep dish pizza, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, fries, onion rings, fried butter, milkshakes, ketchup and beer were the best!
Instead of frilly accroutements, the lads packed the following items:
- Clean and dirty tee shirts. The dirty ones can double as table napkins for the BBQ ribs.
- Clean and dirty jeans for the same reasons. Note: no trendy tight destroyed jeans a la Pretty Boys FC.
- Permanent markers for autographs.
- Basic all-in-one shampoo and cleanser. You shower after practice and sweating from stuffing your face at Hometown Buffet.
- Tums and Pepto.
- Mouthwash just in case of smelly onion rings and such. Listerine was chosen for its simplicity.
- Deodorant for the above-mentioned scenarios.
- Credit cards and cash. Not for souvenir shopping but to tip the wait staff at all the sports bars and buffets they planned to visit.
At the English press conference their gaffer, Sir Ralph “Crocodile” Dundee, added that the trip will be fun and that all players got work visas unlike Prison Break United, who had half the team prohibited from entering most countries. When asked for comment team captain Shrek belched into the microphone as the gaffer took a swig from his flask. A member of the press offered both men an Altoids mint.
Before Day 1: plane made an emergency landing in Newfoundland because one of the star players, Mike Jackson, had the runs in the plane lavatory and stunk up the plane. Flight attendants gasped for air as all passengers escaped from the emergency exits and ran for shelter. The airline had another flight for the team and the team doctor gave Mike his Pepto. Doc notified FIFA from his Blackberry that one of their players had upset stomach and needed medication urgently.
Day 1: plane landed in Philadelphia. Shrek was awestruck by the sights of the US and let out a barbaric belch. One of his teammates sprayed him with Febreze. Dundee argued with the American press that it wasn’t Mike’s fault that their tour was a day behind and that the club were loaded anyway. Shrek interrupts the press conference with a squeaker and shouted “Damn airplane food!” The team escape to Chili’s while Dundee continued arguing with ESPN.
Stay tuned for more …
Footistas FC 